UNPLEASANT SITUATIONS CONTINUES...

Pia wakati nipo chuoni mwaka wa kwanza nilichaguliwa kuwa kiongozi wa darasa na mara nyingi nilikuwa nikienda ofisini kwa walimu kwa kuwa nilikuwa kiunganishi kati ya walimu na wanafunzi wa darasa langu na watu wa sickle cell tuna utambulisho wetu si mara zote lakini mara nyingi tunapokuwa katika crisis (kipindi cha mvunjiko wa seli) macho hubadilika rangi na kuwa ya njano tofauti na binadamu wa kawaida ambao macho yao huwa meupe, kwa kweli hilo nalo pia limekuwa ni changamoto kwangu maana limekua likizua maswali mengi sana kwa watu na limekuwa likininyima uhuru na kujiamini pindi niwapo mbele ya macho ya watu katika kipindi hicho na kwa kuwa wengi hawajui hujikuta wakinidhihaki mara kwa mara na pia limekuwa likinifanya niulizwe maswali mengi sana kila nilipokua niendapo ofisini kwa walimu lakini ilibidi nijifunze kuikubali hali lakini jingine ambalo nilikumbana nalo ni hasira, jambo ambalo nahisi limewahi kunigombanisha na watu wengi sana bila mwenyewe kujijua lakini kama ilitokea nikamkwaza mtu yeyote kwa ajili hiyo leo namuomba msamaha mbele ya watu wote mnaosoma makala hii sasa hivi. Hii hali hunikuta mara kwa mara nina hasira za haraka na huwa mtihani sana kutoweka na nilipojaribu kufuatilia nakumbuka siku moja wazazi wetu na sisi tulipokuwa tukipatiwa elimu juu ya watu wenye matatizo haya waliwahi kuambiwa wawe wavumilivu sana katika kutulea maana wagonjwa wa sickle cell huwa na hasira sana mara kwa mara hivyo la muhimu ilikuwa ni kutuelewa na kutukubali. Lakini pia namshukuru Mungu, kwani kwa sasa najitahidi sana kuidhibiti hali hii na nashukuru Mungu kuna mabadiliko makubwa si kama zamani.


Also when I was at the university first year I was selected as a class representative and I was going to lecturer’s offices constantly because I was a medium between teachers and students of my class and sickler people have their identity though its not all the time but most of the time when we are in crisis (when the cells breaks) our eyes become yellowish different from normal human beings who theirs eyes are always white, this has also been a challenge to me because it has been rising lots of questions to people and has been denying me the freedom and confidence whenever iam infront of people’s eyes, while others have been mocking me because they didn’t know what was wrong with me, it made me to be questioned alot whenever I went to the stuff offices but I had to learn to accept my condition. Also another challenge was anger, something that I think provoked me to fight with so many people without me noticing but if it has ever happened that i hurt anyone in one way or another, today I take this opportunity to ask for forgiveness infront of everyone who is reading this article right now. This situation happens to me constantly I usually get angry fast and it takes time to go away, so I decided to do some follow ups why it is like that and I remembered one day when we were at the clinic getting some training about people with sickle cell our parents and us were once told that they should be very patients living with us because we have tempers so its important to accept and understands us. But I also thank god, because now im really doing my best to prevent that condition and thank god I can see some improvement comparison with the beginning.

UNPLEASANT SITUATIONS

Kuna siku pia mwaka jana nilikutana na unpleasant situation ambayo kwa kweli iliniumiza baada ya msichana mmoja kuniinsult kwa message only because nina sickle cell na mazungumzo yalikuwa hivi:

Me: achana na mm wewe
X: Co niachane n ww mgonjwa wa sikocell! Sema ukweli yellow skin!
Me: ha ha ha una jengine au hilo 2? Alhamdulilah 4 who n watever iam kazi kwako
Iam beautiful no matter wat u say n u cnt put me down darling
X: I swear i'l!!Do u thnk umefika?
Me: well m waitin 4 dat lets c
X: Huna lolote mfu ww!
Me: Anything else
X: Mpe hai!

Hebu nambie kama ndo ingekuwa ni wewe what would you feel? Na ungechukua hatua gani? Sasa hayo ndo mambo ambayo mara kwa mara nakumbana nayo katika maisha yangu na inauma inauma kwa kweli lakini sina cha kufanya zaidi ya kumshukuru Mungu.



There is day last year that I will never forget in my life, that day I met with unpleasant situation that hurt me so much after a certain girl insulted by messages on facebook because I have sickle cell and the conversation was as follows:
Me: leave me alone
X: I wont leave you alone sickler! Speak the truth yellow skin!
Me: hahaha do you have anythingelse or only that? Thank god 4 who and whatever iam, it’s up to you
Iam beautiful no matter what you say and you can’t put me down darling
X: I swear I’ll!! Do you think you have succeded?
Me: well iam waiting for that lets see
X: you are a dead person, you have nothing
Me: anythingelse?
X: say hi!
Now tell me if it was you, how would you feel? Or better yet what decision would you take? Now that’s the things I have been encounter with constantly in my life and it hurts, it hurts very bad but I have nothingelse to do than to thank God.

THE UNIVERSITY OF DODOMA

Hatimaye majibu yalitoka nikachaguliwa Chuo Kikuu cha Dodoma hivyo niliondoka na kwenda kuanza masomo yangu, na kama ilivyo ada dawa hazikukosekana kwenye mizigo yangu nikawa nimeanza maisha mapya na watu wapya tena, wanaohitaji ufafanuzi lakini katu sikuthubutu kumwambia yeyote juu ya hali yangu ilikuwa bahati nzuri nilikaa karibu na watu ambao nimesoma nao hviyo waliijua hali yangu na walinisaidia kila mara nilipohitaji msaada wa kiafya hususan nilipoumwa, nilipokuwa pale chuoni kuna watu ambao kamwe sitowasahau katika maisha yangu kwa muhanga waliojitoa juu yangu kuna kipindi niliumwa hadi kushindwa hata kwenda chooni lakini hawakusita kunibeba kunipeleka, kufua na kudeki matapishi yangu na hata ilipobidi kunifulia ngua za ndani I will always be grateful to them ZULFA, MASTURA, DEBORA, RAFIKI, FINA na HAFSA ( I LOVE YOU GUYS n u will always be in my heart) na VERDIANA pia kuna walokuwa wakinibeba mara kwa mara nilipokuwa naumwa na hakukuwa na ambulance karibu HUMPHREY na rafiki zako I salute you popote mlipo. Lakini pamoja na yote kuna watu mchango wao sitausahau nilipokuwa nasoma kwa kunipa moyo FINA najua hujui lakini kuna kitu kimoja cha muhimu sana ulichonifunza katika maisha yangu and that is to be strong always and I respect you for that SOZIGWA bila kusahau umenipa moyo sana na umenifunza mengi nashukuru sana kwa hilo.

At last the results were out and I was selected to join university of Dodoma for my bachelor degree so I left to begin my studies, and as always medicine didnt miss in my luggages, I started a new life with new people once again, who needed to be told of my condition but I didn’t dare tell anyone about that but I was luck I stayed close rooms with people who I studied with so they were aware and they helped me constantly when I needed their help especially when I was sick, when I was there, there are some people that I will never forget in my life for the readiness they had in helping me, there are times that I was very sick that I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t evn stand and go to toilet but they didn’t hasitate to carry me, to wash my clothes and mop the dirt when I vomited and even wash my underwears when it was necessary. I will always be grateful to them ZULFA, MASTURA, DEBORA, RAFIKI, FINA, HAFSA (I LOVE YOU GUYS and u will alywas be in my heart) and VERDIANA. Also I wont forget those who were carring me to the hospital when the ambulance was far HUMPHREY and your friends I salute you guys. More over there people that I will never forget their moral support and give me hope FINA I know you are not aware of this because I have never told you about this, there is one important thing that u taught me and that is to be strong always and I respect you for that without forgetting someone goes by the name SOZIGWA you gave me lots of strength and hope, u also taught me a lot thans a lot for that.

AFTER I COMPLETED FORM SIX

Wakati nilipomaliza kidato cha sita nilirudi nyumbani kama ilivyo ada na kama ilivyo kawaida huwa tunakaa muda mrefu tukisubiri matokeo hivyo nilikuwa tu nyumbani, na kama ilivyo kwa binadamu hasa vijana, msichana kama mimi ambaye kwa wakati huo nilikuwa binti mkubwa mapenzi hutokea wakati wowote pasi kutarajia. Basi kuna kijana pale mtaani akatokea kunipenda sana lakini baada ya kufahamiana kwa muda nilimwambia kuhusu hali yangu ya kiafya na akakubaliana nayo, baada ya muda kuna mtu pale mtaani alienda ofisini kwao na kumwambia mama yake kuwa “Namuona kijana wako akimfuata sana binti mmoja pale mtaani nikaona niwatahadhirishe kuwa Yule binti sio mzima ni mgonjwa na kifafa” akaenda na vielelezo ambavyo kwa kweli sijui alivitoa wapi na mpaka leo sijui ni nani kwa kuwa Yule kaka hakupenda kunitajia huyo mtu ila alinambia tu khadija kuwa makini na majirani sio wote wazuri wengine hawakutakii mema basi tangu hapo familia ya Yule kijana ikatokea kunichukia sanaaaa huku wakimshawishi kuachana na mimi japo aliwaelewesha kuwa siumwi kifafa na nilishamwambia kuhusu hali yangu na yeye alikubaliana nalo lakini walisisitiza kuwa hata kama si kifafa lakini hapaswi kuwa na binti mgonjwa kama mimi lakini namshukuru Mungu Yule kijana alikuwa muelewa aliendelea na msimamo wake na hata nilipokuwa naumwa alikuja hadi hospitali kuniona kuhakikisha nakula na kuhakikisha Napata matunda, maziwa na lishe nzuri. Alipata matatizo mengi sana kutoka katika familia yake kwa ajili yangu na mwisho wa siku maneno ya watu yakafanikiwa kututenganisha lakini namkumbuka hadi leo na katu sitomsahau kwa kuwa sijawahi kupendwa kama alivyokuwa akinipenda Yule kijana, nilichojifunza kutokana na hili ni kuwa unyanyapaa katika jamii kwa watu wenye hali kama yangu ya kiafya upo tena sana tu hatukubaliki katika jamii tunatengwa kitu ambacho binafsi kiliniumiza sana nikatamani nibadili nilivyo niwe mtu mwengine lakini ni jambo ambalo halikuwezekana na halitawezekana.


When I completed form six I came back home as we all do and as we all know that we spent much time waiting for the results so I stayed at home, and as it is to human beings especially youth, a girl like me who at that time was a teeneger love happens anytime without expecting. There was a boy in our street who fell very much in love with me but after some time of knowing each other I told him about my health condition and he accepted it, after sometime since I told him about my condition someone from our street went to his parents and told them that their son is seeing me and that he/she wanted to alert them because iam not well im suffering from fits and that person went with documents evidence that I didnt know where he/she got it and I also don’t know who it was because when that guy told me he didnt want to say who was it , all he said was I should be careful because not everyone loves me others dnt wish me well so since then that boy’s family happen to hate me so much and convinced him to forget about me because they don’t need me in their family though he explained to them that im not suffering from that disease and that he knows because I have told him about my condition and he is ready to be with me but they insist that even if it is not fits, its not proper for him to be with sick girl like me but I thank god the guy was very understanding and very stable with his decisions and when I was sick he was always at the hospital making sure that I eat and get fruits, milk and balanced diet. He went through many problems from his family because of me and at the end of the day rumors and gossips succeeds to separate us but I still remember him until today and I will never forget him because I have never been loved the way he did, what I learnt from this event is that there is isolation of people like me in our society especially African societies, this awareness hurt me so much that I wished I could change the way I was and became another person but its something that was not possible and will never be.

LIFE AT MORO SEC

Ilifika wakati mwengine ilimbidi mama kupanda gari hadi Mororgoro kunichukua nyumbani kwa mmoja wa kaka zangu na kuniuguza hadi nipatapo nafuu ndo huondoka na kurejea ofisini hayo ndo maisha yangu nillipokuwa moro sec. wakati nikiwa kidato cha sita nilianza kuhisi hali tofauti katika mwili wangu hasa ilipofika usiku wa manane, nilihisi tumbo likiniwaka moto mara kwa mara niliamka na kuhangaika kutafuta chochote kitakachonipa nafuu baadae hali ilizidi ikanibidi nirudi nyumbani na baada ya vipimo nikagundulika kuwa na vidonda vya tumbo tatizo jengine likanipata. Kwa kweli hadi leo bado sijang’amua hali iliyosababisha kupata tatizo hilo lakini hadi sasa ninalo na huwa ninateseka mara mbili pale ninapoumwa.
Jambo jingine lilokuwa likinitesa nilipokuwa Moro sec ni mwalimu wangu wa darasa, mwalimu Yule alikuwa akinichukia na chuki yake ilidhihirika wazi machoni bila kificho na kwa kweli hadi leo sikujua sababu labda kwasababu nilikuwa mgonjwa na hakuweza kunipiga kila alipoamua kuchapa darasa zima, kwa maana alikuwa na tabia ya kuchapa darasa zima akikuta makelele darasani na kila mara alikuwa akiongea maneno ya kejeli kabla ya kuanza kuchapa utamsikia “Mi nakung’uta wote sijali nani ana mashetani wala nani ana nini, we kama una mashetani pandisha” kisha darasa zima huanguka kicheko pia kila alipokuwa akifikia nilipokuwa nakaa mimi kwa kuwa karibu darasa zima walikuwa wananijua naumwa hawakusita kusema “Mwalimu huyo hachapwi anaumwa” na yeye hujibu anaumwa nini? Nyie ndo madaktari au mashabiki wake mi nampiga na vitu vya namna hiyo. Darasani tulikuwa wagonjwa wawili Mimi na kuna msichana mwengine ambaye alikuwa akianguka mara kwa mara akipigwa, kwa kweli mwalimu huyu alinipa wakati mgumu sana mpaka namaliza moro sec lakini namshukuru Mungu nilimaliza kwa amani.

It reached a time that my mother had to come to morogoro and take me to one of my brothers house and take care of me until I get better then she leave and go back to office, that’s how my life was when I was in moro sec. when I entered form six I started feeling something different in my body especially in midnight, I felt something like fire in my stomach, I would woke up and found anything that would make me feel better then later the condition got worse so I had to go back home and after some tastes It was found that I develop some ulcers in my stomach, another problem was born. Until today I haven’t been able to know what caused it but I have it until now and when I get sick I suffer twice.
Another thing that made me suffer when I was at Moro sec was my class teacher, oh my! The teacher hated me so much and she couldn’t even hide it, it was very clear in her eyes, until today I don’t know why she hated me that way was it because I was sick and she couldn’t beat me whenever she decide to beat the whole class, because she had the habit of beating the whole class whenever she find people making noise in the class without asking who was making noise and who wasn’t and everytime she does that she was speaking insults before doing that you will hear her “I beat all I don’t care who has evil spirits or who has what, if you have spirits then let them show theirselves” then the whole class would start laughing, also when she was getting near where I was sitting because almost the whole class knew that I was sick so they always said “teacher she is sick you cant beat her” the she would reply “what is she suffering from? Are you the doctors or just her fans, iam going to beat her and other things like that. In our class we were two sufferers, I and another girl who was falling constantly whe she was beaten, frankly she gave me a hard time studying there until I completed but I thank god that I completed peacefully.

sorry kwa kuchukua muda mrefu kupost muendelezo wa story lets continue

Kwa siku za mwanzo maisha yalikuwa mepesi na ya kawaida lakini hali ilikuwa tete pale nilipoanza kuumwa na hii ilitokana na kupata malaria mara kwa mara ugonjwa ambao ni adui yangu mkubwa na ndo ugonjwa ambao huamsha yote yaliyolala. Kwa kweli nilipoumwa nilipata tabu sanaaaa kwa kuwa kwanza ilikuwa ni lazima nilazwe hospitali ya mkoa kwani nilikuwa ni mwanafunzi wa shule ya serikali, na kama tujuavyo hospitali nyingi za serikali huwa na huduma mbovu na duni na kutokana na hali yangu nilihitaji uangalizi wa ziada hapo ndipo nilipokuwa nikikumbuka wazazi, nikatamani ningekuwepo nyumbani au hata mama yangu angekuwa karibu yangu, nilikatwazwa kulala na mtu yeyote marafiki zangu walikuwa wakifukuzwa na hivyo kulazimika kulala peke yangu, na nilipokuwa nikizidiwa na kulalama kwa maumivu usiku hakuna aliyekuwa akijali wala kushtuka sana sana labda unakuwa umewapatia la kuongea wakati wa kukabidhiana zamu utawasikia “Huyu ana ni sickler vikimzidia utamuona anajipinduapindua tu kitandani, kisha wote wanaangua vicheko” hizo ndo huduma za hospitali zetu za serikali. Vyoo pia vilikuwa vichafu mno muda mwengine hata maji hakuna hivyo kuoga ilikuwa ndoto za abunuasi, pili nilipokuwa moro sec mara nyingi nilipokuwa nikizidiwa usiku kama kawaida ilinibidi kuvumilia hadi asubuhi na pengine bado inapofika asubuhi matron akifuatwa atajibu anasali tumsubiri hadi amalize kusali ikiwa mimi naumia mana maumivu ya sickle cell huwa makali sana kiasi cha muda mwengine kupatwa na ganzi ya viungo hasa meno pamoja na hayo yote nawashukuru sana watu ambao walikuwa nami siku zote za kuumwa kwangu nitawashukuru hadi pumzi yangu ya mwisho MWANAHAWA, MELANIA, KALISTA, JULIE, SUBIRA na FAITH, FINA, EVE, na yeyote ambaye nimemsahau lakini unajua kwa njia moja ama nyingine ulinisaidia natumia fursa hii kukushukuru for everything.

In early days life was very simple and normal but things got complicated when I started falling sick and this was because of getting malaria every now and then, the disease which is my greatest enemy and which cause worsening of my condition. Honestly when I fall sick I was in bad shape because first I had to be admitted in government hospital since I was a government student, and as we all know most of government hospitals have poor services and because of my condition I needed an extra care and that’s what reminded me of my parents, and wish I was home or even my mother would have been there with me, I wasn’t allowed to sleep with anyone and when my condition get worse because of the pain at night nobody cared, you will just give things to say when they exchange the turns at morning “she is sickler when the pain become unbearable you will see her twisting herself from one side of the bed to another, and they all laugh” those are the services of our government hospitals. Toilets were also too dirty and without water so to have bath was not possible sometimes, second when I was in mororgoro secondary and my condition got worse at night I had to be patient until morning and even so when the morning come and when they go to tell matron, she will say that she is praying so we have to wait until she finishes while I was hurting because the sickle cell pain is very painfull and hard to handle and sometimes leading to numbness of muscles and teeth but above all that I would like to thank some people who were always with me when I was sick always supporting me as follows; MWANAHAWA, MELANIA, KALISTA, JULIE, SUBIRA, FAITH, FINA, EVE and whoMever I ddnt mention but you know you helped me in one way or another I take this opportunity to thank you for everything.

TUENDELEE...

Ikabaki tu kusubiri uchaguzi wa shule utangazwe na kama nilivyodhamiria nilichaguliwa kujiunga na kidato cha tano katika shule ya sekondari Morogoro maarufu kama Moro sec mjini Morogoro. Kwangu binafsi nilifurahi kwa kuwa nilikuwa nimetimiza lengo langu lakini kwa wazazi wangu ilikuwa ni wasiwasi tele na mama alijaribu kunishawishi ili nikubali kufanya mpango wa kuhama shule lakini alikumbana na maswali ambayo hata yeye yalimfanya afikiri mara mbili na kwa shingo upande alikubaliana na maamuzi yangu nilimuuliza “Mama leo mko hai sawa, lakini kumbuka sisi ni wanadamu kuna leo na kesho, itakuaje mtakapofunga macho? Nitaishi na nani? Itanibidi nijifunze kuishi mwenyewe.”


So I stayed at home while waiting for the school selection to be announced and as I intended I was selected to join form 5 at morogoro secondary school well known as Moro sec. at morogoro region. I was more than happy because I fullfiled my goal but to my parents side it was fear and mom tried to convice me so that I can accept to shift to other day school but she met with questions that made her think twice and she accepted my decisions without full consent, I asked her “mom today you are alive, but remember we are human beings no one knows tomorrow, what will happen if you pass away? Who will I live with? I have to learn to live by my own and to take care of myself.”